


Bloodied Innocence

by Fidget



Category: Moon Child (2003)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Masochism, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-19
Updated: 2005-07-19
Packaged: 2018-03-15 13:42:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3449267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fidget/pseuds/Fidget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kei and Sho's mutual attraction and Kei's guilt add up to a relationship that needs some untwisting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bloodied Innocence

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for GacktxHyde.com's 2005 Ficon Contest.

_The street they were coming to was darker than those before it, and Kei felt a suspicion that they were leaving the main city, heading off into unknown horizons. He trotted to catch up to the other man. "Where are we going?"_

_Luka shrugged. "We are going nowhere. We will keep going nowhere until the sun finds us or we find it, because there's nowhere in the world we can escape ourselves."_

_Kei twisted his head to look back at the glittering lights of the city because he did not want Luka to see how glittering his eyes were. "I'm not looking for metaphors, you bastard." He muttered. Luka chuckled wryly._

_"What are you looking for? False hope? Lies? You've been in this long enough to know better than that."_

Perhaps Luka didn't know how damaging a thing it was to say. It was arguable that it was just another of his straightforward, factual statements meant to teach Kei the truth of their "life". Tough love. Luka liked to play mentor.

At times, the irony that he was learning to cope with the endless misery from the very man who had selfishly brought it upon him struck Kei hard, and he would consider running away. However, as he would pace and glance at Luka's sleeping form, teetering on the edge of leaving, his anger at the older man would be outweighed by the desperate need for companionship, and he would lie down and pretend the idea had never crossed his mind, and think of going nowhere alone.

***

Sho was bright and silly, and not what the people on the other end of his dual guns probably thought of him at all. He was perpetually a child with a body giving the illusion of age, a fitting foil for Kei's skin-deep youth and tired eyes. The vampire was intoxicated by his optimism, by his blatant unwillingness to take anything seriously, and by _him_.

He could not, for the life of him, remember when their relationship had begun to change. It had always been a fluid thing, passing in gradient to wherever their emotions were taking them, and so pinpointing exactly when the tension had started to build was nearly impossible. Certainly, it had released explosively after a fight over Kei's self-deprivation. Begging, shouting, Sho had slashed his wrist wildly and clamped it to Kei's mouth. The vampire had drowned in the primal joy of feeding, the undeniable guilty pleasure of sucking the blood of someone he was attracted to. Wrenching his mouth free with monumental effort, he had pinned Sho to the daybed, straddled his hips, and sucked desperately (but keeping his teeth in check) at the soft skin of the younger man's neck.

Kei's guilt at having just accepted the blood of his best (and only real) friend made what ensued a masochistic affair. Sho turned them both over, taking dominance, and Kei clutched at his shoulders wildly, eyes still glowing with preturnatural light in the darkness of the room. When Sho was too caught up in the moment to remember to use some sort of lubricant, Kei hissed and groaned, but made no plea for mercy. He thrashed, begged for more, and Sho did as he was asked. Kei felt the stolen blood rushing through his veins like liquid fire, felt the seeping wetness between his legs.

Blood for blood. Pleasure for pleasure. It couldn't have been more perfect.

Though they had never had an in-depth conversation regarding this new arrangement (Sho was not the type to make a point of discussing something so potentially uncomfortable, and Kei was indifferent), it seemed to satisfy both parties involved. Sho would smile lazily in the afterglow, though he usually frowned or looked worried by the stains left on the bedclothes. Kei took immeasurable pleasure in his pennance, feeling (besides sated) oddly cleansed.

He should have known better than to believe a few rough fucks could cure him, but by this point, he was desperate.

***

Kei lay atop the little bed, flat on his back, his eyes staring at the ceiling. He was sticky with drying sweat, and the bed was soiled with their release and his blood, but he was too content and lazy to move. Sho was shuffling around the room in the dark, collecting pieces of clothing from where they had fled to in the melee. He was oddly uncomfortable with remaining naked in the dark. Kei's cigarette glowed as a reference in the blackness.

Suddenly, the vampire's contentedness was slashed by a question. His brows furrowed, and his head lolled to examine Sho, now facing away from him and engrossed in getting into his tight pants without injuring himself.

"Sho...tell me something." Kei began, voice soft, and Sho paused.

"...What?"

"Were you a virgin? Before?"

Kei could hear Sho's heart speed up, and he knew a blush was rising becomingly on the tan cheeks. "What does that matter?" He asked testily.

"It doesn't. Tell me." Kei replied, and watched his companion intently, cigarette poised in midair. Sho sighed.

"Yeah. But don't tell Toshi. He thinks I slept with that girl he set me up with." He sounded thoroughly embarrassed, and hastily pulled his shirt on over his head. Kei paused for a moment in apparent thought. Then he laughed, rather loudly and raucously.

"Unbelievable," he commented enigmatically, and took a drag on his cigarette at last. Sho frowned and puffed up.

"Fuck you."

"Just did." Kei replied mockingly, voice laced with more good humor than a moment before, and Sho took this as an invitation to leap on to the bed and inflict various punishments on his partner.

***

Kei gasped, sucking in breath through teeth which had elongated in the past few minutes. Sho was hovering over him, heat pouring from his body and seeping into Kei's cold frame. It served to arouse him further, make him more desperate to bind himself to the man above him. He groaned and latched his mouth over the base of Sho's neck, sucking more than hard enough to leave a mark.

Sho pried himself away from the suckling vampire, sitting up on his knees between Kei's legs and grappling in the top drawer of the nightstand for a little bottle. Kei hooked his heals around the taller man's buttocks and dragged him forward.

" _Fuck_ it!" He hissed savagely. Sho frowned, but his disapproving eyes were clouded darkly with lust, and he followed the tug of Kei's legs. He crawled up the bed rather farther than the other man had intended, though, presenting the shorter man with his insistent erection. Kei met his eyes.

"Not dry," Sho panted, and Kei quickly took the tip of his cock into his mouth. He wondered, in some back corner of his brain, if Sho knew how dangerous a game he was playing, sliding such a sensitive, such a _pulsating_ part of himself into a vampire's mouth.

Soon enough, however, Sho had pulled away, positioned himself, and pierced Kei's entrance. The vampire writhed, breathing in pants and gasps. Sho was going much to softly, not using his full length...How many times did they have to go through this?!

" _Harder!_ " Growled Kei. He knew Sho had the strength in him, he had witnessed it many times before. Sho glanced up at him, sweaty bangs hanging in his eyes.

"I don't want to hurt-"

"You're not! For the love of god!" Kei threw back his head at Sho hit his prostate directly, but he recovered quickly and shouted roughly. " _Do it harder!_ "

Sho did as he was told, pounding Kei into the little daybed's thin padding. The vampire was biting his lip, clawing at Sho's shoulders, begging for more. Sho was growling under his breath, swept up in the intensity of it. Kei leaned up to whisper in his ear, "Don't hold back. Fuck me till we're both sore... _make me bleed_..."

"Fuck!" Suddenly, Sho stopped. He did not pause to catch his breath, only scrambled away from Kei quickly, standing up, pushing his limp fringe from his face, which was contorted in anguish. "I can't do it. I can't do that!"

Sho sat on the side of the bed, hands clasping each other, trying to catch his breath and reign in some errant emotion. Kei listened to him gasp in the silence. The vampire's unfocused eyes were sensitive enough to pick out his partner's silhouette, a throbbing heat in the muggy darkness, and he lay and watched Sho's heartrate slow.

"Kei," the younger began at last, still slightly breathless. "You know how in movies, people always have something they're heading for? Something they're trying to do?"

Kei didn't deem it necessary to answer, but he was far from ignoring the speech.

"It doesn't have to be a real place. Maybe they're just trying to reach a state of mind, or...some other goal. But they're always going somewhere. Kei," He turned and met Kei's eyes, his own blue orbs unromantically matte in the flat black of the room. "Where are we going?"

Kei jerked at the question, stung. He felt a bubble of bitterness rising from somewhere deep, curling his lips back into a sneer as it neared his throat. " _We_ aren't going anywhere! We're sitting here, stagnant. We're _coagulating_."

Sho was frowning. "Don't be such a drama queen. We are not!"

Kei sat up quickly, and he noticed that the pain was already gone. He was healed. No longer was he allowed the luxury of distracting mental pain with the physical. "You want me to tell you something? You're a big boy, now, Sho, you can handle it." Sarcasm colored his words, and even as he said them, he felt guilty, knowing how hurt Sho would be. But he couldn't stop. Something had burst inside him, punctured by Sho's innocent question. "People call us thieves and bottom-feeders, and they're _right_. We're not going anywhere because we've anchored ourselves right here to the ocean floor, where are the _slime_ is, where the _sun_ can't reach. Luka anchored me, damn him, for his own selfishness. Now, I've anchored you for the same reasons."

His explosive anger faded back into self-hatred and guilt, and he slid his legs off the side of the bed opposite Sho, slipping into his waiting boots. He could feel Sho shaking under the strain of suppressing some emotion, and every heartbeat thundered in his ears as an accusation.

"I hope you like it as a bottom-feeder, Sho." He said quietly, finding his clothes and pulling his pants on over his shoes. "I might have dragged you down here for selfish reasons, but that doesn't mean I want you to be unhappy."

"Fuck you."

Kei paused on his way out of the bedroom. "...Do you want to yell at me?" He offered as politely as he could.

Sho stood up abruptly. "You're damn right I want to yell at you! You think I'm some stupid kid, blindly following you around? I've got news for you, you bastard. I'm not just here for the ride. I can make decisions! I do things for you just like you do things for me!"

Kei leaned against the doorway, exhausted by his earlier outburst, angry at Sho's righteousness but staying masochistically still. "Do you?"

"I could have left you when I first met you! I could have made that decision even when I was young! I could have run off like everyone else and left you to die in the sun!"

"I _wanted_ to _die_." Kei hissed quietly. Sho laughed, a short, humorless burst.

"I _know_ you did. You still feed me that crap! 'Oh, Sho, my life is so miserable, one day when you least expect it I might just wander into the sun!' Manipulative jerk!" As an afterthought.

"I _am_ miserable! I _want to die!_ "

"Then go out and just fucking _do it!_ You're not brightening things up any around here!"

Kei could not think of anything to say that didn't sound melodramatic and cliché. He stood still a moment in shock, then turned and stalked to the front door. As he wrenched it shut behind himself, he heard Sho wail miserably.

***

Kei was not stupid enough to believe that Sho actually did not care if he lived or died. He knew that the younger man had only been retaliating against Kei's cruelty. However, his words corresponded too much to Kei's thoughts in the recent past. If he was so miserable, why _was_ he still alive? Why not just end it? He had thought to a thousand times in the past, but, pathetically, had found an excuse not to. Often, he was simply too afraid, but more recently he had thought of Sho at the last moments. The sun beginning to blaze over the horizon, he would be suddenly presented with the image of Sho, waiting at home for him to return in the coming day, waiting for days to see him, thinking that Kei was abandoned him and wandered away. Perhaps (unrealistically) discovering in his searches Kei's singed clothes in a heap on the ground, a few papery ashes still clinging to them. Sho was terribly emotional, and even as the vampire tried to remain detached, he knew that Sho adored him. If the older man threw himself into sunlight, Sho's horror and grief would be absolute. It was selfish of him to want to do so.

He was a selfish creature.

Sho had been a virgin. _A fucking virgin._ He never would have guessed it. With his handsome features and charm, Kei had given up a vague idea of Sho's innocence when he reached sixteen. He had nothing to hold him back. It was almost stupid of the boy to have held on to his innocence this long. He never would have guessed it.

_Would you really have stopped yourself if you knew he was? Would you have left him his innocence if you believed it was there?_

Kei stopped walking, staring down at the ground with a scowl. No.

Glancing up, he found himself situated directly in front of Yi Che's mural. The park lights were bright against the yellow painted rays beaming from behind the woman on the wall. Her arms were open, hands out and palms out. Whether she was beckoning the onlooker to her, or stepping forward to meet them, it didn't really matter. She was youthful, beautiful, and sweet, leaving the viewer compelled to run to her, to keep her safe from all the dark and sin that existed outside her wall.

"That's what it's all about, isn't it?" Kei asked her, and if the lady in the mural had any insight into this, she cleverly kept it to herself.

Any misguided anger at Sho had dissipated into the night wind, and Kei was left feeling drained and regretful. He had been using Sho, there was no point denying it, and now that he had admitted this wrongdoing to himself, he felt a surge of another emotion fill his indifference and yearning for punishment. He loved Sho, cared about Sho, and it was important that the younger man didn't come away from this relationship (because, no matter how bizarre and unspoken it was, that was _what it was_ ) scarred. He could have killed himself for so thoughtlessly tossing away Sho's affection and demanding brutality.

"Kei!"

Kei turned to look over his shoulder towards the voice, surprised but knowing he shouldn't have been. Sho stood in the grass, panting. He had obviously run here from their apartment. His eyes were red-rimmed and carried a gleam of desperation, but it was fading into awkward relief.

"It's...starting to get light. I thought...I was worried-" He dropped his gaze to the grass at Kei's feet, lips pressed together tightly.

Feeling impulsive in his earnest desire to apologize to Sho, for everything, Kei rushed forward. He leapt up to throw his arms around Sho's neck, locking their mouths in a passionate kiss. He did not bite, did not growl, did not try to force dominance on the taller man, only sucked lightly on Sho's lip until he felt Sho's arms wrap around his waist, and his tongue slide between his lips. Kei sucked it into his own mouth, not hungrily, but softly, and tangled a hand in Sho's hair. This proved such a pleasant way to spend time that they maintained the position until Sho had to breathe.

Gasping, the younger man met Kei's eyes in shock. "You want... _more?_ " He panted. The vampire shook his head.

"I don't want any more. Not ever. God, I'm sorry." He allowed himself the undignified act of burying his face in Sho's chest. For his part, Sho was looking more confused than ever.

"...Not _ever?_ " He repeated, sounding just the least bit disappointed. Kei made to laugh, but was surprised to hear a sob in his voice. Shocked, realizing that he was crying, the tears broke forth in earnest, and the vampire was crying for the first time in longer than he could easily remember. Still more perplexed, Sho stroked his back comfortingly. "Hey..."

"Don't worry about it." Kei said rather snappishly, pulling away from Sho's embrace and wiping at his streaming eyes in frustration. "Just...just don't come off your wall, all right?"

Sho watched the retreating back of his lover with a concerned look. "I...I won't." After mulling this command over for a few seconds, he realized Kei was not heading back to their apartment. "Hey! Where the hell are you going? It'll be dawn in less than an hour!" He shouted, waving at the skyline frantically.

Kei shoved his hands into his pockets, sniffing away the last of his tears. _Where am I going?_ He laughed a little, a soft, genuine laugh. "Hell, let's get a crêpe before we go home. There's a stand right over there, and they look open, what d'you say?"

Sho didn't say anything, but he followed regardless. He was smiling, and that was what really mattered, anyway.


End file.
